


I wanna be ten feet tall, with big red horns (climb over the circus walls, finally feel at home)

by starrylance



Series: who's gonna mend these white fences [2]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Angst and Feels, Bullying, Character Study, Gen, Hinata Shouyou Has ADHD, Hinata Shouyou is Sunshine, Hurt/Comfort, I'm Sorry, Insomnia, Kinda, Sad, Sensory Overload, but not too much, fluff will come i swear, i love my sunshine son, i think, there is some kind of happiness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-05
Updated: 2020-04-05
Packaged: 2021-02-28 21:08:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,471
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23493718
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/starrylance/pseuds/starrylance
Summary: The first time Hinata had heard another team calling him a “freak” it hadn’t been the first time ever someone did.or the one where Hinata should sleep but he doesn't. oh, and i like to torture my child.
Relationships: Hinata Shouyou & Kageyama Tobio, Kinda - Relationship
Series: who's gonna mend these white fences [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1690366
Comments: 8
Kudos: 182





	I wanna be ten feet tall, with big red horns (climb over the circus walls, finally feel at home)

**Author's Note:**

> hello y'all, how are you doing? are you having fun? i hope you are okay!
> 
> this is the second part of a serie i'm writing (kind of) but you don't need to read part one (even if it's like, only 500 words) to understand this. 
> 
> i want to say that hinata having ADHD is one of my fav headcanon about him. i want to apologize if there are some mistakes. i'm no way a doctor and everything is from my personal experience and some internet research. 
> 
> also, english isn't my first language so be kind, feel free to give me some constructive criticism!
> 
> thank you for reading. 
> 
> ps. a cookie to who gets the title reference

To everybody, Hinata Shouyou was just that boy who dreamt _too_ big and talked a little bit _too_ much. He was the one who smiled brightly and ran around and joked until all the people forgot their problems, even just for a few precious moments.

He was the boy who could jump high, higher than whatever wall, higher than the net. He was part of the freak duo, he was part of Karasuno, he was a goofball of sunshine and light, he was a dumbass full of energy, with a strong will and short patience, who needed to study more and practice at receives instead of keeping spiking like there was no tomorrow.

He was a freak, a monster gifted with great agility.

When he had first heard another team calling him that, he had felt a rush of adrenaline pumping into him, getting into his bloodstream. He had smiled widely and Kageyama had grimaced – he had taken a second for Hinata to realize it was just a smile, _Kageyama’s_ signature scary smile.

That was good.

The first time Hinata had heard another team calling him a “freak” it hadn’t been the first time ever someone did.

When Tsukishima or an opponent called him that, a second before the joy of being watched closely by others hit him, a different type of rush drowned him. An echo of a past that he was careful not to repeat. Voices overlapped for a heartbeat and reality would bend and turn into something that was and would hopefully never be.

In those moments, he could perfectly remember the moment someone pointed at him with their finger and stared at him with a weird look on their faces, before turning around towards Miyoko- _san_ , the kindergarten teacher who always smiled at everybody and liked to pet Hinata’s head, full of orange curls, and whining, “why do I have to sit with the freak?”

Not just a freak, no. The freak. As if Hinata was one of a kind. A special freak.

_The_ freak.

Back then he had just blinked, confused while the teacher scolded the other kid and told him not to ever repeat those words. “Sho- _chan_ is not a freak,” she had stated firmly. Hinata had thought that frowning didn’t suit her. It messed up her soft features, turning her face into something unnatural and cold.

The kid had simply shrugged.

“He is, though.”

Later, Miyoko- _san_ had approached him and sat beside him on the swing. “Don’t hear what they say, it’s not true.”

Hinata, old enough to already grasp the concept of “freak” – it was because of all the movies and cartoons he had seen, to be honest. They were full of monsters, of _freaks._ Was he any different from them? Hinata couldn’t really understand how he was similar to those: he didn’t have fangs nor big claws that pierced everything. He didn’t even have a long, thick tail. But he was young. Maybe others knew better. – had barely nodded. Pushing himself forward he had let himself swing for a few minutes and then had jumped off the seat. Beside him, Miyoko- _san_ had startled. “Be careful,” she had reprimanded him. “It’s okay, Miyoko- _sensei_ ,” he had replied, and then had decided to smile. His mother always told him to smile. _“I like when you smile, Sho,”_ she would say, and every time he would send her the biggest one he could master. He would do everything to make her happy.

“I land on my feet.”

It didn’t matter how many times his kind teacher told the class not to be mean to Hinata ( _“He’s just a kid, like you all. How would you feel if someone was mean to you every day?” “But, teacher, he’s scary.”_ ), they would find him when he was all alone, no sight of her anywhere, and they would torment him the best they could.

Hinata thought that it was not much.

He hadn’t dare to believe that, once started elementary school, things would get easier. And they didn’t. Without the help of Miyoko- _san_ , he was at the mercy of the others.

At the beginning, though, everything had been fine. He had made friend with a kid who liked to draw giraffes and hunt bugs (Hinata didn’t remember how he was called, only that his name used to sound like a hiss), and he enjoyed talking with someone named “Taiki”, a quiet one who never spoke up but always listened.

Three weeks into his first year he had had his first attack in the cafeteria of the school.

He didn’t have a name for it yet, at that time, but he knew it was something that made him classify as a “freak”. Someone to be scared about.

It had begun with a buzz under his skin, bees fluttering their wings on his arms. He could feel them walking all over them, their tiny legs barely a pressure on him, and no matter how much he tried to shoo them away, the more he touched himself the worse the feeling became.

Every noise was amplificated tenfold.

The kids laughing and screaming loudly.

Steps running on the pavement of the cafeteria, thundering.

Plates and forks clinking, metal on metal.

Paper rustling, people breathing, hands moving, and he would taste every smell on his tongue.

Someone had grabbed his arms, yelling at him to stop screaming, and only then he had realized that he had been letting out a loud sound all time long. Hinata could feel everybody staring at him, with scared eyes. Taiki had quickly got away from him.

He had wanted to tell the adult that was now pushing him on his feet and away from the table he had been sitting a few moments ago to let him go, that this was his kind of normal. To stop touching him, because he was making him uncomfortable and _it wasn’t his fault._

“Stop being a freak!” the other, his teacher, Mada- _san_ , had lash out on him, and Hinata had shut down. From full on to completely down.

“That’s better.”

It was not better.

In middle school, he had learnt that there was a name for it. “Sensory overload,” the counselor had explained to him. “It happens when your brain can’t handle so many sensations.”

Sensory overload. The words had felt foreign to him.

_Sensory overload_. Relief flooded him. “So, I’m not weird?” he had whispered, and the counselor had given him a steady look. “No, Hinata- _kun_. A lot of people get overstimulated. It may be a symptom for something else, though. I suggest you check it up.”

By the end of middle school, he had a diagnosis – attention deficit hyperactivity disorder, or ADHD - and a broken heart – because he had lost to Kageyama, had lost to him, _because he had lost and could no longer stand on the court._ The court. He had found out volleyball at the end of elementary school. There was something about the way the Little Giant jumped and moved, about how the ball hit the ground with a loud sound that didn’t bother him, but quite the opposite. It resonated in him, the way the ball was spiked down. He wanted to do that.

And he had done it. Had begged and practiced and given all he could, and finally, finally, he could feel like breathing, like all his pent-up energy could find a way out that didn’t damage anyone.

He had wanted to go on.

But Kageyama had come and destroyed his dream.

Hinata had sworn that he would defeat him.

Then, _why was he on his same team_?

Forcing himself out of his own mind, Hinata huffed and turned around in his bed, putting his back facing toward the door so that he could see the faint light that filtered through the open window. He always slept better with the window slightly open – just an inch or two, making so that the gentle breeze could enter.

_Tonight it’s not doing much,_ he mused.

He had spent the last two hours tossing and turning, lost in his thoughts. He couldn’t help it.

He should sleep.

Hinata sighed.

Sleeping too little made him itch all over, and he didn’t look forward to practice with only an hour or two of rest on his shoulders. The thought of paying attention to class made him shiver.

_I should sleep,_ and he nodded to himself, decided to finally say goodbye to that day. Hinata closed his eyes and relaxed his features. Starting from his feet, he tensed and then loosened the muscles, until he was a buddle of skin and bones, sinking down on the hard mattress.

He was tired, _God_.

Something outside fell down and a bird cawed.

Hinata opened his eyes.

It was going to be a long night.


End file.
